


an angel and a demon walk into a subway...

by YuzuGimlet (orphan_account)



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angel/Demon Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 02:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13649688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/YuzuGimlet
Summary: Angels can only reside in heavenly places. Demons can only reside in demonic places. But sometimes, there are places in the world that are middle-ground, where both can exist at the same time.Craig and Kenny walk into a Subway to talk of dildos, falling from Heaven, and a potential relationship in Hell.





	an angel and a demon walk into a subway...

**Author's Note:**

> Sae, this is for you

Craig slid into the booth across from Kenny with a meatball sub in a basket and a cup filled with ice and Sprite.

“It’s been a while,” he said flatly. “What’s been going on in Hell?”

“Oh? Did your boss ask you to come and gather some intel during our weekly meeting?” the blonde devil asked, lips curled into a smirk. “You know I’m not allowed to tell you anything.”

“Well, you can’t blame an angel for being curious as to what goes on in a cesspool of sin and devilry,” Craig said, shrugging. He dug into his subway. “I’m sooooo happy to be talking with you again. I’m not sure if you’re corrupting me or what, but angels can be so _stodgy_ and stuck up.”

“It’s not really a walk in the park trying to go throughout Hell casually either,” Kenny shot back. “Literally all they talk about is fucking. You’d think after an eternity, they’d get sick of sex.”

“Oh please, you spent one of our meet ups a few years ago talking about nothing but how they should make dildos more mainstream,” Craig shot back.

“I’m not wrong! If dildo use among men were more mainstream, so many unfulfilled marriages could have been saved,” Kenny said. “Imagine how many Harolds and Carolines would have been happier in their relationships if Harry knew that he’d be able to have the best orgasm of his life if Caroline bought a strap on and learned how to use it right.”

“I’m eating a sandwich,” Craig said, raising an eyebrow. “Do you mind?”

“You’re not bothering me,” Kenny said sweetly.

Craig reached over to grab a crouton from Kenny’s salad and throw it at the demon’s head. The blonde just chuckled and batted it away.

“So I’ve been thinking about falling,” Craig said suddenly, halfway through their meal.

Kenny coughed, throat squeezing on a bit of lettuce and turkey. Pounding his chest with his fist, he raised an eyebrow at the angel.  “Wow. Are heavenly beings even supposed to express a moment of faithlessness? Shouldn’t you be smited the moment you even have a thought like that?”   


Craig rolled his eyes. “We’re on neutral ground. The Lord can’t hear my thoughts here.”

“What, so you just don’t think about shit like this outside of a Subway?” Kenny said skeptically.

“Essentially.”

“Damn.” The demon shook his head. “Look, if you want me to be absolutely honest with you, I’d say fucking forget about it. Do you want to be a Satan 2.0? There’s a reason no one besides Luci fell voluntarily. It kind of sucks.”

“At this point, I’m thinking a slight inconvenience would be better than Heaven,” Craig said darkly. “It’s so fucking _boring_ , Ken.”

“You’re Craig. You’re supposed to like boring.”

“There’s only so many era of boring we can take. Especially nowadays! Humans have become so fucking mundane. You’d think with more and more people, there would be more radical thoughts and passions, but no! Everyone’s started becoming average. They’ve found moral middle ground. It’s absurd.”

“So what? You’re going to go to the big G and tell him to suck a cock? And then you’re going to be blasted to Hell faster than a preteen’s cum spurt after discovering masturbation for the first time,” Kenny said, salad forgotten. “You’re going to get eaten alive, Craig. Hell isn’t a place for you.”

“And it is for you?” Craig asked. “Dude, you don’t deserve Hell. I’ve seen you tip the guy here before, and no one fucking tips at a Subway. You’re more of an angel than I am.”

Kenny bristled, blue eyes flushing red and tiny horns starting to poke out of his hair. He immediately shoved his orange hood on. “Don’t say that shit to me, you’ll make me drop my glamor.”

Craig looked unapologetic.

Kenny sighed. “Dude. Hell’s fucking Hell. Day after day, you’re supposed to do nothing but take a pitchfork and force people under a river of lava and acid so they can burn for an eternity for what they’ve done.”

“Sounds gratifying if they’re supposed to be there,” Craig said.

“You’re such a terrible angel,” Kenny said, shaking his head. “But being a fallen angel is going to suck for you in Hell. All of the devils are going to treat you like shit because you’re different. You’ll always be an outcast.”

Craig slurped as his straw picked up the last of his Sprite. He looked at Kenny pointedly over the rim of his cup.

“You’ll be there with me, won’t you?” he asked finally, putting his cup down.

Kenny’s eyes widened. 

Craig took out a phone. “And sex doesn’t sound too bad. I’ve been looking into it ever since you told me what tentacle hentai is. Some of it’s fucked up but it sounds worth a try.”

“Dude, dude, just give me a second to process this,” Kenny said, covering his face with his hands. “You can’t spring this shit on a devil.”

“Hey, if I become a devil, can you fuck me first?” Craig said. “I feel like it would be awkward otherwise. I mean, even if I fall I need some morals.”

Kenny squinted at Craig. “If you weren’t an angel, I’d ask if you were drunk.”

“Not drunk, no,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m bored. And I like you a lot more than I like the other angels. God, have you even tried talking to Kyle? Remember that Tumblr article you showed me, about being able to tell if someone’s a repressed homosexual or not? Definitely Kyle. Literally the biggest homophobe Heaven’s got besides the Lord and all he does during our Sunday mass is stare at Stan from across the room.”

Kenny sighed heavily.

“Fine,” he said, standing to throw away his salad. “I’ll talk to Luci about it, then. I’m sure he’ll approve of your transfer to Hell. And… When you say like, do you mean like like? Or just… like? I mean, you asked to fuck but I’m curious.”

Craig shrugged. “I don’t know what liking is. Maybe this is liking. Who knows? We’ll figure it out, we’ve got an eternity.”  


“An eternity," Kenny said, eyes going unfocused as he thought about that. He shook his head and sighed. "Well, one thing's for sure. Subway is going to be Devil Only territory from now on."

“Why’s that?”

“…An angel just discussed falling and fucking a demon in one of their stores. Do you really think this place is going to stay neutral?”

**Author's Note:**

> I had an interesting conversation with a friend about how a devil and an angel would fall in love with each other.


End file.
